It never ceases to amaze me how God works (I know that is nothing profound). Over the last few months I've had a few different people ask me about my future plans. It is honestly something that has been on my mind as well. One conversation took place at the docotor's office, another in my home, and even one inside a bathroom. When I took this job, I always said I would give it two years and then reevaluate, but I never thought of the anxiety that reevaluation would cause.
Every Wednesday I get a chance to go over to our feeding program and share a short devotional thought. Sometimes this comes very easily and there is something God has laid on my heart to share, other weeks I scour the books on my shelf in the office for an idea. The last two weeks have been like that, and it is amazing how it related to the topic above.
Jo picked up Noah's kindergarten registration a few weeks ago, and I guess this prompted our discussion at home. I had already been making certain all my teaching paperwork was in order and scheduled my exam for my principal's certification. Last Tuesday night, I started thinking of all the possible scenarios. With kindergarten only being offered as a half-day in Bloomfield, we knew we needed to have something in place for Noah the other part of the day. I began to reminisce to the days when I worked from home, played with Noah, and dictated my daily schedule. Now that would be nice (Jo wasn't so sure:). A few other scenarios played out in my mind and in other conversations with different people.
Anyway, I came across Oswald Chambers last week. Here's what he said:
"I know when the instructions have come from God because of their quiet persistence. But when I begin to weigh the pros and cons, and doubt and debate enter into my mind, I am bringing in an element that is not of God."
Over the weekend, at the NJYB retreat, it was great. I felt right in my element. I was upfront, facilitating the discussion and games, gettting to teach and interact with young people. And the pros and cons began to play out in my head again. If I stay at the corps, then.... If I go back in the classroom, x y and z.
This week it talked about Permanent Faith.
"Indeed the hour is coming...that you will be scattered..." John 16:32
It goes on to talk about the disciples interests in following Jesus. Some thought that he would usher in a new government to overthrow the Romans. Others wanted to be at his right and left in heaven. All their hopes were scattered as Jesus foretold.
" Until Jesus Christ is truly our Lord, we each have goals of our own which we serve. Our faith is real, but it is not yet permanent."
When I took this job, logically it made no sense from the district I was teaching in. I knew for certain though that it was what God wanted me to do. Now, as I think about whether to stay or go, I'm unsure. I see all the possibilities where I am now, because the new building makes those open-ended and infinite. Going to a new school district, having different colleagues, more unknown.
Pray that God helps me to have that permanent faith and know with certainty what I am supposed to do next.
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4 comments:
I read Oswald today too. Your processing sounds very resonable. We will be praying for God's will for you and your family to be known.....not our own selfish desires!
It's funny but when I heard someone ask you in the office this week about you being a teacher....I sensed that this question was hanging over your head. It's like he pulled it out of the air.... he likes blondes too! :)
OH Chip, you're speaking right to my heart!!! I so feel for you! It's amazing what prayer, support, and the love of your friends and family does to your soul and spirit. I'm so excited to come home for the deployment, yet there are feelings of uncertainty and fear that arise in my heart and head. But I know that no matter what, God directs our paths. Just keep replaying in your mind Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you....." That's what's going through my head even as I type this. Isn't it great to get your feelings out in a form like this?!!? It kinda feels like a load gets lifted. We need to get together when we come home. You are at Youth Councils next weekend, but maybe the Friday after we all could meet up for dinner or something. Give my love to the family!
Chip - I won't pour on a lot of pithy phrases. I just want you to know that I am yet another person lifting you up during this decision time. God's Spirit will reveal Himself to you.
Blessings!
~tcd~
Hello Chip, I'm Jessie and I followed your bread crumb trail (from Carole's xanga) and have enjoyed reading your thoughts and can hear good things in your words. Weighing the pros and cons - yes it is a part of adult decisions, and can also lead to the overwhelming perspectives of possibilities. Keep holding onto God, His word is good for you. And it is quite amazing how small matters like kindergarten actually deserve more attention than originally considered. You have a big plate in front of you, remain praying for God's confirmation, again and again - it is as you said a persistance insistance, quietly but surely. I'm going to follow your site and try my best to keep up best I can.
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